Memories
by Stupiak Kitty
Summary: They say one should cherish the moment that you have with someone, because once they were gone, the only thing that you have is memories. But some say nothing is permanent in the world. Even the memories that you have. NEXT CHAPTERS – SEQUEL TO MEMORIES
1. MEMORIES

**Memories  
**By: Stupiak Kitty

* * *

**A/N:** Because the song **Amaoto by Ono Daisuke** inspired me, this story was born. I told you, I'm fond of heart-breaking stories.

Some of the scenes were inspired from the song's lyrics. It made me cry. So if you want dramatic effect, please listen to the song.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kuroko no Basuke, the song, the image cover, and the Korsakoff's syndrome.

Warning for drama. And some made-up symptoms of the said syndrome. Don't worry, there's no character death. It's just…sad.

* * *

**FOREWORD**

People always ask me why do I have to spend my time with a person who only considered me as his slave, ordering and pushing me around.

Well, I have a definite answer to that.

Because it was my choice.

He was cold. He was proud. He was eccentric. He was arrogant.

That was what they thought he was.

I personally find it wrong.

Beyond those attitudes, I found a caring side. He was shy, really. It's hard to believe that, I know. There was no way a proud and cocky man like him would show embarrassment, especially when his belief in his own abilities is over the top.

If confidence was helium, he might have been blown away.

In the surface, he was reserved. Whenever his beloved horoscopes or an important person was involved, he was close to panic.

He never cared for anyone, but whenever he saw someone in need – an advice for instance – he would try his best to help in his most subtle and unique way.

He was intelligent. He was fast to grasp things, quick to analyze everything. But in reality, he was dense. Too dense.

He was selfish. He always put his self on top priority first before anything else.

But if I told you that he was selfless and generous, would you believe me?

I think not.

He reminds me of a crab. His exterior was hard, unbreakable.

Inside of him, however, he was gentle and soft.

He was a living contradiction, I tell you.

Despite that, I have learned to accept his overall.

Because he had accepted me as well.

Fate had led us to each other – _na no da yo. _

Heh. I know Shin-chan will say that.

* * *

_05-03 (mm—dd)_

Today was a typical day.

As usual, I had to pull Shin-chan on the way home. You have no idea how heavy he was. It was like pulling two sacks of rice - no, I think it was more than twenty. Just look how muscular and tall that weird guy is!

Even if that was the case, I still pulled him.

Heh. Perhaps Shin-chan was just trying to make my legs stronger. You know how tsundere he is.

So we spent the time with the usual comfortable silence, though I don't particularly call it silence by hearing the audible sip of his shiruko from time to time.

Before we could reach his house, however, Shin-chan said those unusual words.

"_Takao. Turn left and head straight to the nearest bay."_

For a moment, my only reaction was to gawk at him. I had the urge to say 'Nearest bay, my ass!'

It only meant I had to pedal thrice the length of my daily pedaling.

I tried asking him, of course. But his only response was an audible sip of his shiruko.

Scoff. As if I had a choice to oppose.

Terrible man, do you not agree?

When we got there, I was already panting to the point where I could almost feel my head spinning and on the verge of fainting.

I asked him _why_ when my breathing went normal. Again, his response was a solid blank.

When he walked a few meters away, choosing a particular spot and sat on the darkening sand because of the sunset, I almost broke into laughter. It was strange to see Shin-chan doing that.

On second thought, Shin-chan was_ normally_ strange so what do you expect?

Instead of throwing numerous amounts of confused questions, I followed suit.

We stayed there in silence, enjoying the breathtaking view of the setting sun before us. It was moments later when he offered his hands - the one with bandages.

I looked at him, questioning. I frowned when he gestured on my hands. My head tilted with confusion more.

What I didn't expect was his actions.

I remained motionless, so he tugged my hands in a not so gentle way — the Shin-chan way, if I were to name it — and interlaced our fingers himself. I could still remember how I forgot to close my mouth in momentary shock, and the way my cheeks burned.

Especially when I heard him say…

"_You wanted to do this for a long time. Am I not wrong? Hmph. Do not act as if you dislike this."_

"_I'd exerted too much effort researching an accurate spot to do this without the people's scrutinizing stare."_

"_That research had directed me to this bay, so you are not allowed to have complaints. Unlike you, I always do everything with all of my power."_

I think my heart just died at that time. And it's because of the nonstop fluttering and the wild beating of my heart.

If I _were_ to pedal several kilometers and my reward was to hold Shin-chan's hands like that, then I'm willing to do that every day!

I want to hold his hands forever, and feel Shin-chan's warmth beside me.

This is heaven.

* * *

_11-21_

Today is my birthday. But Shin-chan seems to forgot that. I never told him anything, just gave him the cold shoulder. I tried hard not to scoff and show my tongue to him when he asked.

"_What the hell is wrong with you today, Takao?!"_

Well, Shin-chan, maybe today _is_ my birthday and you were unable to remember that special day for me.

I went home without pulling him.

I'm pissed off.

I think I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight.

* * *

_11-22_

I can't express how happy I am today.

Well, it's true that I cried myself to sleep yester night because of Shin-chan's idiocy.

Yes, it's official — Midorima Shintarou is a dense and weird bastard. I have no idea _why_ am I attracted with that dense bastard in the first place. How can I put up with him every day, I don't have the slightest idea.

Oh, I'm not going to delete the 'bastard' lest he sees my journal one of these days.

Shin-chan, if _you_ were to read this, then you should know how mean you were yesterday.

Heh. Shin-chan, reading this? I highly doubt that. There's no way I would allow him to touch my private journal.

No freaking way!

But since he did something uncharacteristic of him today, I forgive Shin-chan.

It all happened on a cold rainy late afternoon. No, I think it's on the verge of sunset. Gray and violet were already painting the sky, I could still remember. Or maybe because the weather is kind of sour today.

All of the classes were now done.

Of all the days that I had to forget to bring my umbrella, this was the worse timing. The pitter-patter of rain grew stronger with each beat of my heart.

Obviously, I can't use the rickshaw, more to the fact that Shin-chan and I were still not on speaking terms. I didn't see him anywhere so I supposed he went home by himself.

On the other hand, I tried waiting for the rain to stop — or just make it endurable to walk through. In my case, I think I might run all the way home if the rain will never stop.

Minutes of waiting, it was still consistent.

So it was decided. I penetrated the heavy droplets of rain, bringing my hands up to protect my head and avoided the little poodles of water as I run.

Then I heard him.

"_Takao!" _He said.

I promise you, I will never get tired of hearing him growl my name like a caress — a sweet chocolate syrup on my eardrums.

Yes, I found his growl arousing.

And yes, Shin-chan's weirdness is contagious.

When I looked around, I saw him, his usual scowl visible on his face. He was carrying that black umbrella — it was too large for a single person, I noted.

He was glaring at me – more like chiding me with that perfect scowl of his. Since I'm as stubborn as him, I ignored him.

He called me again, and since I'm _really_ stubborn, I continued on walking through the rain.

What halted me was the strong grip on my arms. I perfectly know that familiar touch so I whirled around just to snap at him, but I didn't expect him to say…

"_You fool! Are you trying to catch a cold!? Here, use this!"_

Did he just thrust the umbrella onto my arms? Yes he did.

Then he walked away, making him drench by the rain with just a mere second.

Quite happy that he offered his own umbrella just for me, I rushed toward him, moving the large umbrella higher to save Shin-chan's already wet green hair.

I almost smiled when he did that usual gesture on his glasses.

"_Shin-chan, let's share this. It's too big if I'm going to use this alone." _was my words.

He looked away, and I clearly know why. He was hiding his flustered face. He was embarrassed, I'm sure.

Sigh. My Shin-chan is a true blood tsundere. But that's what I liked about him the most. Wink.

With a soft voice – almost a mumble actually, he answered.

"_Fine. Let's use it together."_

Shin-chan snatched the umbrella and continued walking like it was nothing but a rainy normal day. And just like that, our small fight was completely forgotten.

As it turned out, he never had forgotten my birthday.

He actually intended of surprising me. However, instead of accomplishing his plan, it failed.

And it was all because of my tantrums and pride.

Teehee~

He gave me a necklace with a little scorpion pendant dangling. That was the lucky item of Scorpios, he explained — a pendant of your own zodiac sign. I accepted it, since he told me it was supposed to be my lucky item and his gift on my birthday.

Oh. Did I mention that he forced me to come along with him, bathe and stay the night?

Heh. I just did.

* * *

_12-25_

He kissed me. Shin-chan kissed me.

We had spent the Christmas time on the same bay that we always visit every so often. Whenever we went there, I had the privilege of holding Shin-chan's hands as long as I want.

We consumed our time there, chatting, playing word games on the sand.

Heh. Sometimes I _do_ that. No, not _that._ I mean me groping and teasing him. As always, he would smack me on the head. Chiding me about how those things were meant for secluded and private place alone.

Shin-chan is too conservative for his own good.

But most of the times, we just sat there, watching the sun being engulfed by the vast sea until all that was left was the contour of the moon reflecting on the water.

On that Christmas Eve, with the stars and the trees and the sand as a witness, he kissed me.

He rarely does that whenever we are outside.

It was the best Christmas Eve for me.

* * *

_05-03_

It's been a year since I had started writing on this journal. Shin-chan and I are still together, and we're still going strong. Did you know that we went to Hokkaido last February just to search for that Ainu charm?

And yes, it was for his precious lucky item.

Heh. Shin-chan is too extreme sometimes. (If not always)

Recently, I find myself quickly forgetting things. Like the time when I forgot where I just put my textbook, or other trivial things such as combs, toothbrush, and headbands.

Perhaps it was the memory gap.

* * *

_05-17_

Hello Journal. Recently, I always find myself dazing off. Then suddenly I forgot the reason why am I there - what was I doing on that certain place again.

Stress, perhaps.

Our exams will start around next week, and the basketball practice has been making our every morning a living hell. I bet that was it.

I laughed at Shin-chan who was too worried for me. (He never admit it though)

I mean, it's normal for a person to forget, right?

* * *

_07-07_

As I walk around the hospital, I spotted a child playing alone on the infirmary's public garden. I approached her, asking why she was there, all alone.

"_My momma is sick. Papa and I are visiting her today." _She said, grinning.

"_Where's your papa?" _I asked.

"_He's busy with my momma." _Was the little girl's reply.

"_Don't you have any siblings to guide you at least?" _I recalled saying.

The only thing that I can remember was the words…

"_I am the only one."_

and…

"_But I really wanted one so badly."_

She was smiling, but I can see the sadness on her eyes.

At that time, my mind was wishing, hoping that when the time has come where I could grasp the chance to sire a child, I would never let my offspring to be left alone.

I'm always fond of kids. Maybe I would try spawning ten, or at least five.

Heh. I'm just kidding. I think two is enough.

I always dream of having a girl – her, having my impressive hawk eye, and her pigtails bobbing around whenever she runs.

Her, calling me _"Papa!"_

I bet she would grow up as cute as the girl that I've met inside the hospital.

But that's only my wishful thinking.

* * *

_07 – 08_

I completely forgot Shin-chan's birthday. I reread my first journals. Some of those said that I must dig up a suitable gift for his birthday. It's on July 7.

It's already 8.

Last year, exactly November 21 on my journal, the time when I thought that Shin-chan had forgotten my own birthday, I made a big deal out of it.

Now that it was my turn to forget his birthday, he simply nodded at me — as if he was acknowledging my presence. (Maybe our usual greeting?) and he was telling me that it was all right and he understands.

Sigh.

How can I forget something as important as Shin-chan's birthday?

* * *

_05 – 16 (Next year)_

This day, the nurses allowed me to stroll around the premises of the hospital. It was large, I tell you. It was complete with fountains and outside benches; it almost looked like a park instead of a hospital.

I bet this hospital is high class. It's too luxurious for my taste — my room looked much more like a five star hotel's room instead of a simple hospital room.

There was a garden. It was large too, filled with different flowers and trees. I chose to stroll around there, feeling the warm breeze caressing my face.

Oh, I was accompanied by Shin-chan — I believed his name was. (My journal says so)

He was a good man, and a passionate one at that. He was always there - besides my family – visiting me, even staying with me at the hospital room.

I appreciated that. Since my imagination would sometimes pop out, bothering me with disturbing thoughts such as a woman appearing in front of me out of the sudden.

I'm not afraid of ghosts, though.

Maybe I am. But when I'm with Shin-chan, I felt like I'm safe, even if those entity have decided to come visit me on one of those nights.

I have no idea why I'm staying at the hospital instead of going to classes just like Shin-chan and my sister.

People usually remain inside the hospital because they were sick. Right? It's weird, because I feel absolutely fine, yet I've been spending my time – I can't remember since when - inside this small room.

Anyway, I digress.

I liked it whenever we walked together – just like earlier. Even without conversations between us, it was comforting.

Whenever I look at our legs, I am amazed by how synchronized our steps was. It was as though our body has that invisible string, tying both our legs and connecting our movements.

It felt like my body was accustomed having him next to me, but I'm very certain it was my first time doing that with him — walking around and saying nothing.

I don't know why, but at that moment, I felt like I'm the happiest person alive.

I wanted to walk with him forever.

Just like that.

* * *

_09-15 (Another year)_

I never wanted to forget him. I never wanted to forget something as important as him.

I love you, Shin-chan.

I love you more than anything else in the world.

I love you more than my life. I'm willing to sacrifice everything just for you. I'm willing to do everything, anything with my power, just to prevent this stupid sickness for forcing me to forget you.

I'll do everything just to see the old Shin-chan again.

I just love you.

I want you to know that.

* * *

**xXx**

He closed the journal book and heaved a deep sigh. He removed his glasses and messaged the bridge of his nose, noting the sudden tension building on the corner of his eyes.

How long has he been reading this?

Fifteen?

Eighteen years?

Even with all those years, he still couldn't believe that it was real and happening. In fact, it happened. It was factual, and the only proof of this was the journal resting on his lap.

Their relationship – the sole person who understood him – it was destroyed because of his strange and rare disorder.

Takao's sickness destroyed his own memories, resulting to completely forgetting even his own identity.

Even the people around him.

If it wasn't for Takao's journal, he wouldn't be able to recall him. The doctor suggested it was a good technique to help him remember and advised him to continue it — writing moments he doesn't want to forget.

And he did.

Midorima run his bandaged fingers on the surface of the journal's cover. It was already brownish, almost worn-out. With gentle fingers, he flipped the book open and perused it. Even the pages were already yellow.

Despite that, Takao's writing was still clear.

He turned over a certain page, landing on his most favored part.

The passage was exactly written on his birthday, the exact day where he and his family had found out the reason behind that strange behavior of Takao.

One random morning, Takao had fainted again. When he woke up inside the school's infirmary, he doesn't remember anything — everything.

In fact, even him.

He first thought that it was Takao's way of revenge. After all, he had made him think that he completely forgot his birthday.

Turns out, it was real.

He was in a disoriented state, close of panicking as he continued asking _why_ he was there – again and again. The nurse present on that day was starting to get worried with Takao's strange reactions.

On that very moment, He decided to take actions and brought him to a nearest hospital.

There, with Midorima and Takao's family's presence, they revealed the reason why he was acting strange.

Midorima could still remember the atmosphere around them after hearing the doctor's explanation.

The faces of Takao's parents, it was heartbreaking. The way he massaged the corner of his eyes to prevent the tears from trailing down – the way Takao looked at them with blank and innocent eyes, he remembered it as if it was yesterday.

It was Korsakoff's syndrome — he believed the name was. It was a form of amnesia. And unlike any other kind of that disorder, this one produces acute or sometimes permanent amnesia.

Doctors believed that it was it, considering the symptoms that they had observed with Takao. But as they continue to observe him furthermore, they found out that it was more alarming than the normal syndrome itself.

It all started from forgetting simple and everyday things, until to the part where he would sometimes blackout. He would wake up with a disoriented state, unsure why he was there.

But the worst of all — confabulation.

It was the third year of Takao's treatment. He was now on collage, though he was not sure what he would be taking at that time.

He was the one who forced Takao to undergo treatment as soon as the symptoms have gotten worse. Takao's family declined at first, telling that they do not have enough money to sustain the continuous healing.

He offered his sincere help with that, even if it meant by focusing his money on Takao's treatment instead of his usual lucky items.

After all, Takao was the most important thing for him.

Midorima could still remember the time when Takao roused from his usual blackouts, asking them about his daughter. It made him paralyzed. He was in a momentary shock at that time.

The specialist assigned for Takao had reassured him and his family that it was nothing but a warning sign of his disorder.

"_People with Korsakoff's syndrome tend to recall random events, believing that they were true."_

Was the doctor's words, he could still recall.

Takao never suffered stroke, never undergone coma. Never the alcoholic-type. Never had encephalitis – he never had the symptoms so he was sure that it was not it. He never had severe injuries on the head, as far as Midorima knows.

He never thought that it was possible for a person to have this disorder, even without damaging the brain, or undergoing extreme trauma to have it triggered.

Turns out, some part of Takao's brain was already damaged. Severe right hippocampal hemorrhaging - as what the doctors told them.

It was then when Midorima realized the real reason of his existence.

To cure Takao.

He dedicated himself studying medicine for years, focusing himself to become a neurologist. And his only goal was to, hopefully, find permanent treatment to Takao's rare disorder.

Though he knew, it was difficult.

Despite that, he tried everything with his power to cure him. He studied neurology for years, determined to take in charge of him once he graduated and mastered what it was needed to master.

Once he gained the title of the youngest neurologist on that year, he focused himself on Takao. He sacrificed and dedicated himself to help him, but whenever he sees Takao looking at him as though he was just a random doctor, he couldn't help but feel the sudden ache on his chest.

Especially when he knew that… the only way for Takao to remember him was the journal.

Midorima traced the words on the journal with gentle hands, feeling the rough texture caressing the tips of his fingers. There were random stains on the said paper — he knew it was Takao's tears.

It brings back nostalgic emotions whenever he sees this certain passage.

Even the pain on his chest.

_09 – 15_

_This sickness. It was like a monster. It is killing me._

_I have to remember everything. I have to remember Shin-chan. If it wasn't for the past journals, I wouldn't be able to remember him._

_He was the green haired man who was always there, right?_

_He's too kind, always there whenever I wanted someone to talk to. Always present whenever the others are away. _

_He was always there. Taking care of me. _

_Whenever I look at him, he was smiling at me. He was smiling, but the corner of his eyes was sad. He was doing it for me. I just know it. _

_It's not the Shin-chan that I know — at least my journals say so. _

_I know how hard it was for him to see his only best friend and lover spending his time inside the hospital, suffering with this sickness, forgetting everything, and remembering him only because of this journal. I don't want to be the reason of his distress. I want to see him happy._

_Always. _

_I never wanted to forget him. I never wanted to forget something as important as him._

_I love you, Shin-chan._

_I love you more than anything else in the world. _

_I love you more than my life. I'm willing to sacrifice everything just for you. I'm willing to do everything, anything with my power, just to prevent this stupid sickness for forcing me to forget you. _

_I'll do everything just to see the old Shin-chan again._

_I just love you._

_I want you to know that._

He squeezed the corner of his eyes and sighed.

Everything written inside the journal – everything about him and Takao was already ancient. But whenever he looked through it again, the feelings from years ago were flowing back into his system.

Perhaps it never disappeared in the first place.

He sighed before looking up, placing both of his hands flat on the sand. This is the moment when he felt comfortable the most — staring at the reflection of the sun, the seagulls chirping from the distance, the relaxing sound of the wave.

Midorima stood up after a while, dusting the sand on his pants before walking back to the hospital. He needed to focus on his work instead of taking a trip down the sweet memory path of ancient history.

Clutching the journal with his hands, he walked.

* * *

**xXx**

"Midorima-san!"

He stopped, not because of hearing his name being called. He stopped because he completely knew the owner of the voice who was calling him right now.

In fact, hearing the familiar voice made his breath hitched and his body frozen – as if he was paralyzed. With aching heart, he forced himself to turn around and greet the person.

"Takao-san," He bowed in a polite way. The man grinned at him. Seeing that familiar grin stung his eyes. Instead, he ignored the pain and talk as though he was talking to a random patient. "I see you look well today. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"You're as formal as always, Midorima-san," Takao laughed. "I just want to have a little chat, is all."

Hearing Takao's hearty laugh felt like there was a blunt sword cutting his heart into two.

"I'm sorry to say that I cannot stay for a small conversation," He said instead. "My presence is needed at the hospital this instant."

"Eh? Just for a little while?"

He pushed his glasses and lingered for a while. His tears are threatening to fall again. "I have to pass for now. I'll make sure to visit you one of these days."

"Hmm..." Takao paused as if he was thinking, then he smiled. "Alrighty then. Doctors sure are busy bees, aren't they? Well, it can't be helped, but be sure to visit me whenever you have free time okay?"

"Of course," was his gentle reply.

"Living inside the hospital premises sure has some benefits, don't you agree?" He grinned. "Now that I think about it, I am the only non-employee living here. They even allowed me to use the quarters meant for employees and live here as long as I want. Heh. I suddenly feel like I'm special."

At that very moment, Midorima felt the urge to cross the distance between them and encircled his arms around him. If he were to do that, he would caress Takao's hair and never ever let go of him.

Alas, he knew it was impossible to happen.

Instead, with a faint smile touching his face, he answered, "Because you are,"

Then he bowed to inform that he was already leaving. Takao waved and greeted him goodbye.

"Papa!"

Midorima felt his body froze the moment he heard it, his hands tightening around the journal.

"Kazuko-chan!" He heard the cheerful greeting of Takao. He adjusted his glasses with that and sighed. "Wow, you're early today. How's school?"

"It's all fine, Papa!" came a cheerful voice of a girl.

"Glad to hear that," Takao answered. "Ah! Before I completely forgot… Hora, Kazuko-chan, show your respect with our precious doctor here."

Midorima knew Takao was talking about him so he faced them. It's a surprise he could even pull a passive face in front of them, when inside of him was like a whirlwind of painful mess.

Despite his inward trouble, he offered a faint smile to the little girl.

On the other hand, Takao nudged the girl on her shoulders, tugging her gently away from his back.

"Kazuko-chan, don't be shy," Takao called. "See? Midorima-san's waiting."

The girl poked her head instead, hiding the rest of her body on the back of Takao. "A-anou…h-how are you, Midorima-san? Thank you for taking care of Papa always!"

Takao chuckled when she ducked behind him again. "Forgive my daughter, Midorima-san. She's always the shy-type."

_Unlike her father. _He was tempted to say that.

"It's nothing," He said instead. "I'm sorry to cut it short, but I have to go now."

"Of course!" Takao said before bowing. "Once again. Sorry for disturbing you, Midorima-san. I really appreciated your daily visits despite the busy schedule that you always have. Good luck with your work."

_You were never a bother to me, Takao. I am willing to sacrifice everything, just to lend my time for you._

He really wanted to say that, but he stilled himself. He bestowed him a formal bow before turning around without saying anything.

**xXx**

After many years of dedicating himself to cure Takao's disorder, he was proud to say that his effort has not gone to waste. Treating his sickness is not an easy feat – it requires time and full-time care, patience and tolerance.

Takao had remembered everything — his family, his childhood, his identity, all of the important factors of his life that was too crucial to be buried down and forget.

His memories were now back. Except for one thing.

The moments that he had shared with Midorima – all of the memories of him, it was nothing but a fantasy to Takao's current stature.

_The journal,_ he could still remember Takao's family saying, _give him the journal to make him remember._

Midorima knew how much he had wanted to do that. The moment he had laid his hands on the journal, his fingers itched – as though it was begging him to hand it to Takao.

Instead, he did not.

_You should have done that when you still had the chance._

One corner of his brain was still chiding him, almost to the point of mockery - scolding him about how foolish his actions were. But whenever he remembered the reason behind his actions, all of his doubts and regret would disappear — like bubbles floating along the wind.

If he had showed the journal to Takao, then he wouldn't be able to achieve his dream. He wouldn't be able to see the Takao now — happy and satisfied.

Laughing and smiling — with his precious little dream existing along with him.

Midorima was aware how much Takao had desired the only thing he could never ever give to him. Years ago, in the middle of his treatment, he could not even count the times where Takao would sometimes ask them about his daughter.

Countless of times, they were forced to just go along with him.

Even the doctor's way of telling him that it was nothing but confabulation. It was stuck inside his head. He could only nod - letting them know that it was all right, that he understood.

Midorima knew, deep down inside, he knew Takao was pertaining this said-daughter with his past events. The journal was the proof, it was written exactly on his birthday.

_I'm always fond of kids. _

_I always dream of having a girl. _

_I bet she would grow up as cute as the girl that I had seen inside the hospital._

Instead of forcing Takao to remember him through his journal, he chose to let him go. The hospital finally allowed Takao his release, but he requested – even begged for the hospital authorities – to let him stay inside the premises of the hospital.

"_It was to make sure of Takao's well fare, so I can watch the progress of his disorder."_

Within all those years, he was aware of Takao's life — how he had gotten his first work, the time when he had finally found the person he had wanted to spend his life with, his reaction when he first saw his daughter, how he had cradled her like she was the most precious gemstone existing.

And within all those years, Takao never had the sign that he remembered Midorima. He knew he was wishing for the impossible, but sometimes, he would always find himself thinking, imagining Takao's initial reaction if ever his memories came back.

Takao only considered him as one of the resident doctors there. He was always there – looking at Takao, taking care of him (as a patient) whenever he could, but never too close.

Midorima was aware with all of that.

Even the unbearable pain living inside his heart.

**xXx**

Midorima looked up to the skies, unblinking, one of his hands protecting the journal from the pitter-patter of the autumn rain.

This is the only time where he could release his tears without worries.

_Takao… I'm aware how contradicting our qualities are. But I'm surprised that even though we're exact opposites, in a way, we're both alike._

_You and I, we are the same. _

_Just like you, I'm willing to give up everything. If I were to sacrifice my own happiness just to see your smile again, I would. _

_Just like you, I will do everything with all of my power…just to see the old Takao again._

_This is the proof of our equality, but I never wanted to be equal with you._

_I know you have already forgotten how much you love me. I'm not like you, because the memories that we had are still alive within me._

_Love – you had taught me that certain emotion I am not aware in the beginning. No matter the situation is, I'm still giving it back to you._

_After all, I don't want to be your equal._

_Remember that, Takao Kazunari._

_At the back of the journal, on the third to the last page, there was a passage scribbled there. Midorima was not yet aware with this._

**xXx**

I will never forget him – my Shin-chan – for making me the happiest man alive.

I, Takao Kazunari, will treasure the memories I had with him until the end of time.

Even when the time comes where I would be unable to remember this, surely my heart would. Wouldn't it?

I never wanted to forget.

I wanted to keep these memories.

Yes, it's true that even the memories are bound to fade away. Even if it is, the moments, the times that we had shared between us will never disappear.

Because those memories occurred – it was genuine. It was real.

It happened.

And that's what matters the most.

* * *

**END**

Finished: April 10, 2014

**A/N:** Open for editing. You have no idea how many times I've cried just by writing this. It was supposed to be one-shot and short, but I can't help myself. I…can't…stop…my tears. Do you want a tissue?

**Random Trivia:**

The story was inspired by Ono Daisuke's song, amaoto. But the disorder, it was inspired by my SD card. (aka memory card) because it's a mess. Whenever I tried restarting my phone, yes, it will work. Several minutes after, my phone wouldn't be able to read it. In a way, Takao's on-off memories reminded me of my SD card. XD

Just like Takao here, I have an experience living inside the hospital too. There was an apartment-like house exclusive for employees only, but they allowed me to live there for the mean time. I remembered it while I'm writing Takao's situation.


	2. MEMORIES SEQUEL - I

**Memories II  
**BY: Stupiak Kitty

* * *

**A/N:** I do not want my favorite couple to be sad for the rest of their lives. That's the main reason why this sequel was born. The short story made me cry, so if you want to cry more…

Most of my one-shot stories are tragic or sad, (because I'm a sucker for those kinds of stories) so please expect a chuck full of angsty and painful scenes before they could have their happy ever after. Ehehehe. I'm still on the aftermath of my other story, Lured. So forgive me if I'm going to torture them again. :Dv

Thank you for the people who reviewed, faved, alerted and cried with me by the way. Lol. I give you this!

I think I'm going to cry even before starting the story. D: I wonder if I'm a masochist.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything, except for the story and my inspiration**.**

**WARNING FOR DRAMA, ANGST AND MAJI DRAMA SCENES!**

If you want more dramatic effects, you know what to do. Please listen to the songs written below. :D

* * *

**xXx**

**Chapter's Theme Songs:**

Amaoto

-** Ono Daisuke  
Sekai ga Owaru Yoru **\- **ACIDMAN **

**xXx**

**Two more years after**

**I**

Takao moved his hands to shield his eyes as he focused his gaze on the setting sun. It was not as bright as the normal sun on mornings or afternoon; in fact, it was comforting to look at. He was trying to look at it, to observe it more clearly until it goes down beyond the horizon.

Watching the sun as it set is his regular pastime whenever he has the time, his day off, or in deep thought.

Today's case is all of the above.

He stood up from where he was sitting and walked further on his veranda when the trees was now obscuring his view of the orange sun. He placed both his elbows on the railings and rested his hands below his chin.

He stayed there until he could see the little shining dots appearing on the sky one after another. It was amazing to see how the surroundings darkened in gradual moment, until all that he could see is the shadows of the trees around their house and the dark blue night sky filled with dazzling stars.

For some reasons, doing this brought sadness and sense of familiarity to Takao. He was not sure why, but he felt as if he was doing this his entire life with someone. Somewhere in his faded memory, he could picture a scene where he was sitting on the sand beside with someone he doesn't know. As far as he could recall, they were watching the sun as it sets until the moon and the stars appear on the sky.

It was not clear, just like a tapered scene in a dream so he figured it was a random part in one of his dreams.

Even so, doing this gave him both contradicting feelings of sorrow and happiness.

"Papa?"

Flinching, Takao turned around and saw his older daughter peeping on the sliding door. "Do you need something, Kazuko-chan?"

She went next to him before looking at him. "Papa…"

"Hmmm…?" He gave her a small smile, but it faded out when his daughter's eyes starts to water. He gave her a concerned look. "W-what's wrong? Is there something wrong with your younger sister or what?"

"P-papa," Takao began to panic when he saw a single tear slid down her pale face, but his emotions subsided when she continued, "Is mama really never coming back again?"

The question made him gulp.

Caressing her hair with gentle hands, Takao crouched down and said, "Mama had decided to go and live by herself for the mean time. Her sudden decision is something you won't understand until you grow up, so I'm asking you not to be mad at mama for leaving us. If you love her, then let's respect your mama's decision."

He gulped to control his emotions when his daughter starts sobbing. "But M-mama doesn't love us anymore, does she?"

"Oh, she loves you and your younger sister more than anything else in the world. She loves us more than she loves herself," He answered as he tried to control the urge to cry as well. "S-she loved us too much that she's willing to give up anything, even her own happiness, just to give me mine."

Takao controlled the urge to sigh. This kind of conversation is something an innocent young girl wouldn't understand, but regarding their situation, it can't be helped.

"Please don't hate mama, okay? If there's someone who is at fault here, then it is papa," He went on. "This isn't what I wanted from the start. I never wanted us to be a broken family. I didn't want Kazuko-chan and your sister to have that kind of family. Please forgive him for failing his duty to be a responsible father."

"Don't say like that, papa," She said, her voice almost chiding. "Papa is always working for us — always there to clean my sister's nappy, always reading me stories if I can't sleep, helping me with my homework, playing with me and cooking us delicious food even when he's busy. Isn't that what responsible means?" Takao can't help but smile with that. "For me, papa is the perfect papa that I know in the whole world. Maybe mama doesn't know about this yet that's why she left us."

That was the moment when he sighed. Hearing the sincere words coming from his daughter felt like it was mocking him. This is the time where he could see nothing but his entire flaws.

He really is a selfish prick.

He had thought of the consequences of his actions for a thousand times, but seeing the result of it that was now happening before him made him reconsider his chosen path.

Is it really worth it? Obeying the plea of his heart, but sacrificing the welfare of his family. Letting the woman who loved him more than anything else did go, just because he was unsure and confused of the feelings that he was harboring deep within.

There was no doubt, nothing is more important to Takao than his family. All that he wanted is to give everything what they deserve: Education, home, and a loving and complete family.

With that said, he was grateful for the hospital authorities that they allowed him to make the half of his dreams come true. Because of them, they now owned a small yet comfortable house that they could call their home. As far as he knows, he was the only non-employee living inside the premises of the hospital. Their neighborhood — all of them were workers and employees of the prestigious building.

All of their expenses — water, electricity, even food — was all hospital-funded.

Even his older daughter's education was theirs to pay. She was studying at a school owned by the hospital as well, so he has no worries for his child's safety since the school is adjacent and a part of the infirmary's premises. They also assured the education of his one-year-old daughter, telling him that there was nothing to worry about because they have already sponsored all of his expenses regarding the future of his two kids.

He was uncertain and always curious as to why they had granted this kind of luxury to a random man such as himself. He was only a regular working man with a pay that could give them a normal suitable life. Although it is unlikely that his minimum pay could help them live like this, if the hospital authorities haven't thought of this set-up.

At all times, he wanted to question if he had done something remarkable to one of the high-positioned hospital employees for him to receive a special treatment just like this, but the shy part of him would always emerge whenever this topic is of concern.

It was strange, but some part of his early life was blurry to him. It felt like he had skipped fifteen years of his life and live at this moment of time.

His parents or his sister never told him anything regarding this, only advising him to be grateful with the blessings he had received and live his life aptly.

Takao always consider how special he is to deserve something like this. He had nothing else to wish for but his own family's happiness.

But as they always say, nothing in this world is perfect.

Because God forbid, he realized that he was attracted with the same gender as him. He is attracted to a certain doctor that was so nice to him — the doctor who was always there whenever he wanted to talk to someone, or wanted to accompany him wherever he wants to.

As it seems, he became conscious with the fact that he was in love with Midorima-san.

Takao first thought that his attraction was just an admiration for the man's current job. He had always been curious about the doctor's task; the way they cure and heal people, how amazing it is to do something as meticulous and complex duty such as performing a surgery, or even how courageous they are to do that.

He knew that he has no talent regarding that, but if only he had the chance to choose his career, he wanted to be a nurse. He wanted to help them with those complicated tasks. He wanted to support them.

Fate has another task for him to do, however.

With that hidden desire living inside him, he found himself admiring Midorima-san. The way he approached his patients with that reserved and business-like demeanor of his, the way he always push that glasses of his and how keen he is to keep his fingers in good condition, Takao was fascinated with that.

He knew how busy Midorima-san's schedule is, but he would always have the time to visit him, bring him gift or have an idle chat with him. He also knew how popular and elite the kind doctor is — he is one of the head doctors in the hospital, while his father is the vice president in the same aforementioned medical institution.

Regardless that, he was always there as if he isn't one of the elites and an important person inside the premises of the hospital. He was the most friendly and humble doctor that he had known, despite the rumors about him being the most eccentric and unsociable neurologist.

He first thought that the respect and the deep feelings he had for the doctor was nothing but a fancy admiration. It was then when he began to consider it as a serious case the moment when he felt the strange irking feeling within him whenever he sees him with a companion — be it a woman or a man.

Takao confirmed that it was none other than love when he saw Midorima-san with that man with red locks. The said man was shorter than he was by several inches, but seeing how the man moved was enough to tell that he is superior to the green-haired doctor.

When Takao saw them walking together inside the hospital lobby one day, with Midorima-san conversing with the red-haired man while holding that small sincere smile that was so rare for him to do, seeing that irritated him to the fullest.

Even he was shocked with himself when he began thinking…

_I should only be the one making him smile. Not with anyone or that short man, I wanted it to be just me._

His jealousy confirmed it all.

The revelation was so shocking and disturbing that he had it hidden deep within him. He knew how wrong it is to be attracted with someone — more so with the same gender as him.

He had someone in his life already. He is a man blessed with two kids and a loving wife.

He loved his family so much. He didn't want to destroy it because of this unrequited forbidden love. He didn't want them to judge him, or the people judging his family because of his desire for another man. Takao was aware how impossible it is for Midorima-san to be attracted with someone the same gender as him. He cannot deny how handsome and manly Midorima-san is, more to the fact that his way of living is not as ordinary as Takao's.

He knew all that.

But whenever he meet him, his feelings would deepened — his attraction for the doctor would increase that it's starting to bother him. For years, he hid it all alone — telling himself how immoral it is to desire for someone other than his wife.

Wherever you look at it, it is just indecent.

With that in mind, Takao tried to resist the temptation. He used all his self-control to act normal in front of Midorima-san and treating him as if he's just a random friend of his.

But then again, Takao knew, deep inside his heart, that he was doing it all wrong.

He felt as if he was fooling his self. He was lying, not only to himself, but to his family — especially his wife. He knew how she loved him so dearly she even sacrificed her dreams just for the sake of taking care of their family.

She was truly sincere to him. But what was he doing? In a way, he was betraying her. Takao was disgusted with his own self whenever he found himself thinking about the green-haired doctor whenever his wife and he coupled. It disgusted him to think that he needed to think of the doctor in order to reach the apex of his pleasure.

He couldn't help but be depressed. It has been a burden to him. He first thought that he was just confused or being delusional because of stress, but hiding it for two long years didn't help him forget about the disturbing feeling for the doctor.

He decided to do what he thought was right. He was aware that doing this would raise difficult consequences, but he did so despite that knowledge. He couldn't take the fact that he was betraying his own family just to hide his true feelings.

Last two months, he confessed to his wife.

Despite knowing how this would turn out, it still shocked him when his wife decided to let him go just like that. She never told him anything, never lashed him out with harsh words, and never even mocked him.

Instead, she only cried. She accepted it without complaint. She only gave him those words that were still stuck inside his mind.

"_Somehow for some reasons, I wasn't surprised by hearing this. You always talked about that doctor more than you talk about me, or your daughters."_

"_I'm not disappointed at you. I'm disappointed with myself for not noticing this early. This is so painful and depressing that I don't know what to say."_

"_I love you more than anything, Kazu-kun. I know that you are aware of that. You don't know how happy I am to have you and our two lovely daughters in my life. But knowing that you are in love with someone else — with a man, is shocking to me. It's…i-it's…"_

"_I'm sorry, but I think that it's wise if we just get a divorce and separate. I know how we wanted to have a happy and complete family, but I don't think that we could have that now. I wanted you to love me, and only me. If I beg you to forget about him and focus that love to me, will you be able to do that?"_

"_You don't have to answer that because I already know. When you confessed about that love, I understood what that meant already. Knowing this kind of information is killing me." _

"_It…it is killing me, Kazu-kun. I can't be here with you anymore."_

"_When I get back, I'll fix the custody of my daughters and bring them both to me." _

His greediness had not only destroyed what he thought was a perfect family, but it was the source of the possibility of living his life without his daughters.

Thinking about that brought tears from his eyes. He was not sure if he could survive a life like that. He also couldn't tell this to his oldest yet, he can't take it if she were to resist and demand to be with him.

It is true that a man is the maker of his own problems.

* * *

**TBC**

**xXx  
**

**Started: January 10, 2015**

**CHAPTER OPEN FOR EDITING**


	3. MEMORIES SEQUEL - II

**Memories II  
**BY: Stupiak Kitty

* * *

**I would like to warn you for slight OOC. Midorima is formal to Takao because he wanted to make him think that their relationship is just for doctor and patient kind. Takao, on the other hand, is also formal to him because you know the reason. XD**

**Thank you for the reviews! I really appreciate it! Here's my gift, even if it's so long since I last updated.**

* * *

**xXx  
Chapter's Theme Songs:**

Amaoto

-** Ono Daisuke  
Sekai ga Owaru Yoru **\- **ACIDMAN **

**xXx**

**II**

Takao massaged the back of his neck as he walked home from work. It was a stressful day for him, mixing it together with his other life problems was making his head throb in rhythmic clicks. It brought him torture just from continuous thinking and all the working.

He looked up to observe the sky; it was near dusk already. Kazuko-chan must be home by now. With that in mind, he smiled and paced. Thinking about his children was like a wonder drug to him. All of his worries fade whenever he's thinking or spending his time with them.

He can't wait to be home.

"Tadai—" His words was stuck in his throat when he was greeted by none other than Midorima-san. He was sitting on their dining chair with his back facing him. He knew that it was he despite seeing only his back. His green hair was a dead giveaway.

He gulped, unsure what to do for a moment.

The doctor must have sensed his presence because he turned around to face him. Takao was both curious and confused whenever his heart thumped like a hysterical drum every time he sees that serious face of his.

It felt as if he was still in his teenager years with his crush standing before him.

"Takao-san," He greeted with that baritone voice of his. He bowed a little and said, "I…Forgive me for intruding your home without warning."

"M-Midorima-san," He greeted back. He walked up further to put his suitcase on the sofa, loosened his necktie and smiled. "It's no big deal, you can come here anytime you like. To what do I the pleasure, by the way? Heh. Are you perhaps asking for a loan? I don't have the money, but I can lend you my bike if you want."

The side of Takao's lips tilted in a small smile when Midorima-san pushed his glasses up. He was always amused whenever he saw him doing it. "I'm not in need of any bicycle at the moment. It is also the same with money."

"I'm aware of that, alright," He sat on the dining chair across him and grinned with that. "That's why I have the nerve to ask you."

There was a meek silence between the two and Takao has the urge to kill it. For unknown reason, he could feel the slight awkwardness traveling along the air.

Clearing his throat to compose himself, he asked, "We always leave the door locked for safety purposes, so having you here inside our home meant Kazuko-chan had gone home already, I take it?"

"Ah – y-yes, that's right," The green-haired doctor cleared his throat too before answering. "She was on her way home when she saw me and asked for me to come in for a tea or two," For some reasons, his head was tilted on the side, as if he doesn't want to meet Takao's eyes. "She was here a couple of moments ago, telling me that she'd be waiting for you. She now went upstairs, perhaps taking care of her younger sister."

Takao smiled with that. "I think she had fallen asleep waiting for me. She would be running down the stairs by now if she didn't. Heh. She knows it whenever I've gone home," He stood up and went to the kitchen area to prepare himself a hot cup of something, then he shot Midorima-san a glance. "Do you want some coffee?"

"Yes, please."

Nodding, he snatched two mugs instead of one and proceeded on making the said drink. After a few moments, Takao set the coffee maker aside, went back to his seat, and offered the green mug to Midorima-san.

He accepted it with a nod. He blew the steam with gentle whoosh before taking the first sip. There was a slight twitch on the corner of his eyes, hinting that it was still hot for him to drink it.

They drank there in silence. Only the sound of a nearby water tank, their sips and the chirps of the birds accompanied them. Takao was unsure why, but his heart was still throbbing inside his cavity just by looking at the doctor's humorless face.

"That was a lie."

Takao looked up when he heard Midorima-san spoke. His brows creased in confusion with that. "Hmm? I'm sorry, but I don't follow."

"Your daughter didn't invite me, it was the other way around," He explained. "I asked her to invite me instead."

Those words, it shocked Takao. It made him speechless for a moment. He was unsure what to think or say with that.

Midorima-san might have sensed it the wrong way so he said instead, "F-forgive me for lying, Takao-san. I…I have no unclean intentions, I just wanted to be here before you can come back home."

Hearing it made him compose himself. He gave Midorima-san a reassuring smile and waved his hand, as if telling him that it was no big deal. "Ara, what are you saying, Midorima-san? Why are you so apologetic? W-well…I was surprised to hear that, but you are always welcome here you know. Treat our home just like yours too. It's no problem."

"You're not suspicious of my actions?"

He took a sip first before answering, "Well, if you ask me, I'd rather be curious than suspicious," then he looked him in the eyes and smiled. "To tell you honestly, I kind of know that you're lying when you told me about Kazuko-chan inviting you. Call it father instincts, but it is rare for her to invite someone, more particularly Midorima-san, inside our home for tea or anything. Heh. She's shy whenever she sees you."

He smiled an amused smile when Midorima-san pushed his glasses up again. It was just a hunch, but he can notice a faint pinkish hue on the apple of his cheeks. This doctor is so amusing in Takao's eyes.

"You're right. Your daughter can be shy, but she is alright," Midorima-san said after a while. "It's a good thing she hadn't shared the same characteristics as you."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means what it means," He said after sipping with his own coffee. "You are the exact opposite of her."

"Oh? You mean I'm sociable and friendly?" Takao asked, his amused smiled never left his face.

The corner of Midorima-san's lips tilt in a slight smile. "Hmn. If I were to explain your trait precisely, I'd rather call it noisy and boisterous."

"Whaa? Why do you think I'm a noisy person?" He almost whined. "I'm not even boisterous. I'm far from that you know!"

"Yes, you are."

"I'm not," He said as he tried to defend himself. "I find 'cheerful' more appropriate,"

Midorima-san looked at him as if he was joking. "Cheerfully noisy is what I find more suitable for you."

"Ehhh? That's not true!"

"I disagree," He answered. "See how loud your voice right now."

"You're a mean doctor, do you know that?"

Takao felt his heart flipped when he saw him smile a little. For some reasons, it was making the corner of his eyes moist and his heart constrict inside his cavity. When he looked down and saw the wrapped fingers of the doctor, an unknown force was coercing him to interlace his fingers with his bandaged ones and never ever let it go.

It almost brought tears to his eyes when reality hit him on the head, reprimanding him how impossible it is to happen for real.

"Takao-san, are you okay?"

He looked up when he heard his name. He wasn't aware that he's spacing out again. He smiled and said, "What are you saying? I'm always okay."

Midorima-san frowned. "You can't lie to me, Takao."

Takao glanced at him in surprise when he dropped the honorifics. He was puzzled, but he didn't let it show. Instead, he tried hiding it by chuckling. "Why so serious, Midorima-san? That frown doesn't suit you, you know,"

"I heard about it,"

He scowled in confusion. "About what?"

"The divorce," He said, his fingers playing on the rim of the mug. "I heard about you and your wife's separation."

Hearing the word made Takao froze in his spot. He gaped at him, unsure on how to react. "H-how—did...did Kazuko-chan…?"

"Your daughter never told me anything, and I'm certain that she's too young to understand what you're going through right now," He explained. "After all, even without the rumors going on around the hospital, I just knew it. There's nothing I do not know about your life."

Takao's eyes widen a little, his heart skipped a bit when he heard that. "I…I guess you heard it from my neighbors. We know how news flies fast these days."

Midorima-san never said anything. The dead silence was making the sound of his frantic heartbeat more prominent.

"I'm…I'm not in the right place to ask about the details, but please consider my regrets," Midorima-san said after a while. His voice held that deep sympathy. "I can offer you my companionship should you need someone to talk to."

Takao tried not to burst into tears with that. If Midorima-san was aware that he was the main reason of this sudden conflict, it is unlikely that he would still consider him as friends, or even talk to him.

"Also…" Midorima-san bent down, perhaps obtaining something below the table. When he leaned back, Takao saw him holding a paper bag. He looked at him in question when he offered the bag to him. "I brought you another gift. Please accept it as sign of my sympathy."

Smiling, he accepted it and nodded in thanks.

Midorima-san pushed his glasses before adding, "You can look at it right now, if you like."

Noting the suggestion, he complied. The first thing he saw inside the paper bag was a transparent container filled with a familiar looking reddish cuisine. When he tried to open it a little, he couldn't explain his joy when the distinct smell of spices flooded his nostrils.

He looked at Midorima-san. He can't hide the excitement in his eyes. "You brought kimchi again."

"That is your favorite dish, I'm aware."

"Gracious deity, you're really the best doctor in town," He grinned. "You don't know how you made my day."

"That's…" Midorima-san looked at his side and pushed his glasses again. "I'm pleased that you liked it."

"Are you kidding? I love it!" He exclaimed. "Kazuko-chan likes kimchi too, so I'm very sure that she's going to like this."

Takao's heart tightened when he saw him smile — that small but rare smile of his.

"There's more," Midorima-san said. "Look inside the paper bag."

He complied again. There he saw a medium-sized wooden box. He let it out to observe it further. It looks old, but the wood was varnished with a deep red-brown color. When Takao tried to open it, he almost flinched when a random music starts playing. It was apparent. It sounded more like a bell with a distinct tone.

He was confused for a moment, thinking where inside his house the music came from. But then, he soon realized that it was the wooden box he was holding that produced the sound.

He looked at Midorima-san with that, amused. "You gave me a wooden music box?"

"That is the lucky item for Scorpios," He explained. "They are prone to depression today. Listening to a sound produced by a music box can help you forget the painful thing, or anything that triggers your negative and unhappy thoughts. It can also give you comfort and soothe your senses. At…at least that's what Oha Asa says."

Takao grinned. He was truly amused. For him, giving someone as sentimental as this is sappy for him. Only Midorima-san could give something like this without making it so cheesy and corny.

This isn't the first time he gave him things and claim that it's his lucky item.

The music stopped when he closed the music box. Then he looked at him and smiled.

"Thank you for your kindness, Midorima-san," He said. "To tell you honestly, I really don't know how to repay all of your thoughtfulness and compassion towards me and my family. Yes, it's true that we're on its lowest point at this moment, yet I'm sure that we can get by. Knowing that someone like Midorima-san is concern for our welfare is more than enough. All that I can do is to say thank you."

"Don't mention it, Takao," Midorima-san replied. He was dropping the honorifics again. "This is the least that I can do for you."

He sighed. "I'm so _so _lucky that I've met you."

Takao froze when he realized what he just said. His emotions gave him out without him even knowing. With his heart beating so rapidly, he took a glance at Midorima-san. The air almost escaped from his lungs when he saw him staring at him. Base from his expression, he hadn't expected it either.

Takao never felt so conscious in his life when Midorima-san looked him in the eye. His look was so serious, so resolute as though it held so many deep emotions he can't say. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but for unknown reason he was refraining himself.

He was certain. His stare had a knowing air to it. He only released the breath he didn't know he was holding when Midorima-san broke the eye contact.

His heart felt like a hysterical drum inside his cavity at this point of time.

Midorima-san chose that time to take a glance at his watch. He then stood up and said, "I…I apologize for cutting this short, but I need to go. I have a scheduled appointment for today that I can't neglect."

"O-okay," was the only thing that he could say. Takao was nervous. Did he finally notice his secret feelings for him?

"It was nice talking to you, Takao-san," He bowed. He was maintaining his formality again. "I will make sure to visit you again. Good evening."

He also bowed. "It is always a pleasure to have you here, Midorima-san."

With that, he left.

Takao sighed after a while. Hearing his last words was enough for him to tell that his secret was still safe and secured.

He chose to sit on the dining chair where Midorima-san sat moments ago and reached for the wooden music box. He opened it again, smiling as the rich bell-like music filled their dining room.

Midorima-san was right. Hearing this can give him comfort.

Takao was on the act of fixing the things that he gave when he noticed something on his hat stand. The large dark brown coat was unfamiliar to him, so he assumed that it belongs to the green-haired doctor.

He smiled. He forgot something again, and it was a coat this time. On occasion, every time Midorima-san spends his time inside his home, there's always an instance wherein he would forget his things all the time. Just like tonight.

Forgotten things meant only one thing to Takao: he has a valid excuse to go see the doctor without any appointment.

**xXx**

**Chapter open for editing**


	4. MEMORIES SEQUEL - III

**Memories II  
**BY: Stupiak Kitty

* * *

**This is the 3rd chapter of the Memories Sequel. Hope you enjoy. Also, please trust me if I say I'll continue this. Hahahahaha! Thanks for reading in advance!**

* * *

**xXx  
Chapter's Theme Songs:**

Amaoto

-** Ono Daisuke  
Sekai ga Owaru Yoru **\- **ACIDMAN **

**xXx**

**III**

Takao couldn't count up the exact number of times he had visited the hospital where he also consider his home. But despite that, he still can't help but be in awe whenever he's inside the prestigious building.

It was huge, all right. It was so huge and elegant that he felt as if he was inside a five-star hotel rather than a medical institution.

The only difference is that instead of the presence of bellhops and guests, there are different medical employees and patients that are present in the area. He bet that being confined in a hospital such as this could ruin his bank savings, or even cleaned it out.

Living inside the premises of the hospital has its advantage for him. Going further within the building without any appointment with anyone, for instance. It is unlikely for him to visit a hospital only made for the people with riches.

Some of the employees even greeted him as if they've known him for a long time. Most of them are his acquaintances so it's not surprising. Takao went to use the lift and greeted the people inside.

He can visit the hospital without anything but the forgotten coat in his hands.

The private office of Midorima-san is on the third floor of the main building, but it was located some place where you have to pass through stairs and private doors until you can get there. Since this is a first-class hospital, normal people are not allowed to go further inside his private office unless the individual is scheduled for an appointment, or they're one of the doctor's friends.

Takao's case was the latter. He went through the private sectors without anyone stopping him. Some were even greeting him. It was as if they are already accustomed to see him there.

When he arrived at the doctor's private door, disappointment rushed through him when he saw the sign says that he was out. He sighed and decided to go home and come back tomorrow. He wanted to text him, alright, but he can't do that just to inform him about his forgotten thing. He knew how busy Midorima-san is.

"Takao-kun?"

He turned around and saw Midorima-san's secretary.

"Momoi-san," He gave her a smile. "It's nice to see you again."

"Ah – it's nice to see you as well," The pink-haired girl greeted back. "I suppose you're here for Midorima-sensei, am I right?"

Takao's smile turned into a sheepish little smile and nodded. He gestured for the paper bag that he's holding and said, "I was about to give this back to him but I had no idea that he's not in duty. I should have known that he's not available on Tuesdays. I guess I'll come back tomorrow."

"Oh, Takao-kun, you don't have to leave right away," Momoi-san said, waving her hands. "Midorima-sensei is in the middle of a conference and I'm sure that he'll be back shortly. If you don't mind, you can wait for him inside the office. He gave me the order to inform it to you should you come and visit him. It is very apparent that he's keen on seeing you right now, but he can't do that due to his busy schedule."

Takao's heart skipped a bit when he heard that.

He first thought that the doctor was avoiding him. It's been almost a month since the last time he came to visit. That was the very reason why he hadn't brought the coat earlier.

Midorima-san still wanted to see him. That very thought gave him courage to face him again.

"Waiting is not a problem for me so I don't mind," He replied. Excitement rushed through him as the thought of seeing the doctor again flooded his mind. "But Momoi-san, is it okay for Midorima-san to have someone waiting for him inside his private office?"

The pretty girl smiled. "Of course it is. Takao-kun is not just someone, he thinks of you as his good friend. And I can tell that he doesn't have many so I understand how important he is to you."

Takao smiled back, but deep inside he was jumping in joy.

Momoi-san twisted the knob of Midorima-san's office and his eyebrows tilted in amusement when it opened. It wasn't lock in the first place then. Midorima-san must have trusted his secretary so much.

A sudden pang of jealousy shot right through Takao, but he ignored it. The pink-haired secretary gestured for him to come in.

"You can sit here while you're waiting for Midorima-sensei," She said and gestured the sofa this time. "We have magazines and books for you to read here. You can browse anything here to kill time. Although, I apologize in advance if some of those would bore you. All of Midorima-sensei's books are nothing but concerning medicine and whatnot."

He gave out a small laugh with that. "That's okay, I don't mind. What do you expect with a doctor?"

She chuckled too. "You're right. I get the point."

"Thank you, Momoi-san," He said after a while. Bowing, he continued, "You're very kind."

"Ara – Takao-kun, what are you saying? I'm just doing my job," She replied, but she bowed nonetheless. "Thank you as well."

"It is nothing," He said.

"Well then. I'll leave you here for the meantime," She smiled. "Just call if you need something, my workspace is just outside."

"Of course, thanks again."

Takao took a seat the moment she was gone. This is the moment where he allowed himself to study Midorima-san's private office. It is spacious, huge and very manly. But then again, what do you expect with a tall handsome man like him?

A palette of cream, mint and sage green painted the whole office. The color is relaxing to look at. It's not hurting his eyes. There was a small board hanged on the wall near the doctor's desk. All of the doctor's important rendezvous, it appears that it is written there.

Dozen shelves filled with various unusual items and books are present as well. He also noticed the texture of the curtains. Velvet. Even the sofas are of velvety fabric.

It gave the whole surrounding a traditional and old-fashioned touch — almost like a high-class antique store.

As he continued to observe the office, Takao's eye went to the piano located on the right side of the spacious room. He snorted. The said musical instrument looked out of place. He wasn't aware that Midorima-san knew how to play the piano.

He must remember this kind of information.

With that in mind, he stood up and approached it. The cover of the piano keys was raised, so it's safe for him to try and press a particular key. He doesn't know how to play the piano or any instrument in particular, so it's amazing to think that someone could produce melodious sound with a complicated mechanism just like this.

Out of the sudden, the desire to see Midorima-san playing the piano came right through his mind. He was certain that he looked wonderful while doing that.

Since there was nothing to do inside, Takao decided to observe and look around to kill time. He thought that nosing around Midorima-san's workplace would give him interesting facts about him.

He approached the first shelf that was near him and browsed the things situated neatly on each layer. Different large books filled the first shelf. When he tried to read a certain book, he discovered that it was about medicine. He put it back on its original place and chose another book. He snorted when he realized that it was a book about medicine again. He put it back and examined the title of every book on the shelf.

Momoi-san was right. The whole place, it was filled with nothing but medical books.

Takao also noticed that there are items placed in every bookshelf, and he could tell that they are not the usual ones. He frowned when he saw a miniature version of Cinderella's glass shoes, a jack-in-the-box, an empty container of salt &amp; pepper and a dollhouse. He grinned after a while. Perhaps this is the reason why people describe him as eccentric.

He continued on nosing around, checking the shelves around and anticipating the random items that he could find in every bookshelf. Once he was done with all of it, he opted for the doctor's desk. He was aware how inappropriate it is to snoop around Midorima-san's office, especially his private desk, but he can't help himself.

Takao just need to make sure to put all the things as it is for his safety.

With a running heart, he approached the doctor's chair, sat there and began observing the busy desk. Different folders, binders, pens, and papers filled the table. His head ache just by looking at it. He doesn't know where to start first.

It was a proof that Midorima-san is really a busy bee.

He doesn't want to pry further more so he decided to stand up and search for other things to keep him busy. He went past the desk but paused when he noticed something interesting.

Curious as a cat, he sat on the swivel chair again and poked on the pile of papers. He saw a yellowish paper sticking out on the pile. The color stands out so it really sparked Takao's interest. He tried pulling it out, careful not to disarrange the pile. He sighed in relief the moment he obtained the interesting item.

It was a notebook, he noted. An old, almost worn-out medium sized notebook. He tried to browse on the page and realized that it was in fact old. It almost looked ancient. So the yellow pages of the notebook was the one that he saw sticking out. He needed to be careful not to wreck the papers because it looked as if it's vulnerable for a simple turning of a page.

Takao learned something new about Midorima-san today. He was into antique things, he was sure of it.

He should put the notebook back on its original place and get back on the sofa before someone could catch him.

He knew it, all right.

However, there was a particular feeling that he had felt the moment his hands touched the surface of the old notebook. He's unsure why. This is the first time that he had seen this but it felt as if it was the other way around.

The notebook, it was foreign yet familiar to him. It brought chills to his spine, made his heart thumped with strange emotions. Why was he excited and agitated?

He knew he shouldn't pry, but the urge to peruse the notebook is whispering to him like a mysterious chant. It was insisting him to go on and read.

With a confused frown, he opened the notebook again and started to read it from the very beginning this time. Takao froze the moment he saw his own name printed on the first page.

_This private journal belongs to Takao Kazunari. No one must read this. Not even Shin-chan. _

He was confused. His own name, why is it written in the notebook owned by Midorima-san? This feeling, it was bothering him. He felt as if he invaded something private despite the fact that he just saw his own name in one of the doctor's private things.

Before he could turn to another page, he looked up when he heard a faint footstep.

He gaped. Someone could catch him in the act if he doesn't think of ways to escape it. He wanted to put the notebook back onto the pile but his shaking hands weren't helping him. The sound was getting closer with every beat of his heart, so with his head crammed with panic he set the notebook inside the pocket of his large coat, run to the nearest bookshelf and pretended the bonsai plant placed in one of the shelves is the most interesting object that he had seen.

He looked at the door when it opened, and he gulped when he saw the person who just came in. "M-Midorima-san…"

Now, not only his head, but his heart is in the verge of panic too.

**xXx**

**I always think of this one thing while writing this chapter… **

**If only you know, Takao. If only you know. **

**The next chapter will be…intense? I sell tissues for only one review. Do you want some?**

**CHAPTER OPEN FOR EDITING**


	5. MEMORIES SEQUEL - IV

**Memories II  
**BY: Stupiak Kitty

* * *

**A/N:** As promised, this story is full of drama and serious scenes. If drama isn't your thing and you wanted a light story with funny plot, please read **His Sister's Complex** instead. Hehe. I'm sorry if I plug my own stories.

I have a sale! Five packs of tissues for three reviews. Lol. Kidding.

** xXx  
Chapter's Theme Songs:**

Amaoto

-** Ono Daisuke  
Sekai ga Owaru Yoru **\- **ACIDMAN **

**xXx**

**IV**

"M-Midorima-san…"

The doctor only nodded at him as if he was expecting him inside his office. The panic building inside Takao lessened with that, most particularly when he noticed that the doctor is having a conversation through the phone.

"I'll call you back later, Akashi," He said before cutting the line. He stuffed the phone inside his pants and looked at him again. "Takao-san. It is a pleasure to see you again."

With his heart on his throat, he bowed. "It is also a pleasure to see you, Midorima-san. I-I'm sorry for intruding your private office at an untimely hour."

"It's fine. I don't mind. This is your first time inside my private office, I take it?"

Takao nodded. Midorima-san is right. He had been visiting him several times already, but he never had the chance to walk further inside his private office until now. At all times, Momoi-san would always usher him inside the area where the doctor would be conversing or checking up his patients. Although most of the times it was Midorima-san who was greeting him. This is the only moment where he was not available and busy.

"The conference had taken longer than I expected," He said as he sat on the sofa. When Takao remained standing, he gestured for him to sit on one of the armchairs next to the one that he was sitting. With his one hand securing the notebook inside his coat, he complied. He only blinked when Midorima-san removed his white doctor's coat and put it on one the sofa's armrests. "Have you been waiting long?"

"N-no…I mean y-yes but it's alright. I don't mind too."

He pushed his glasses up with that. "I apologize for making you wait. I didn't know you would be coming here very soon. Had I known, I would have gotten here early."

Takao gulped with that. He was tempted to say that his timing is good. Instead, he said. "Waiting is not a big deal, Midorima-san. And you don't have to ditch the meeting because of…of me. You must consider your work first before anything else. That's the most important."

It took him a moment before he could answer.

"You're right," He said. His voice sounded a little bit of cold. "If I may denote, it's a surprise to have you here. Is there a reason behind this sudden visit?"

"Ah – I'm glad that you mentioned it," Takao said, almost forgetting the reason why he came here. He searched for the paper bag, when he saw it near the doctor he gestured for it. "I came here to bring back your coat. You had forgotten something at home again. Ehehe. Midorima-san really is prone of forgetting things. Perhaps you've been stressing yourself too much. I'm aware how nerve-racking the job of a doctor is."

Midorima-san took a moment before he could answer. When he did, the look on his face is so serious it made him nervous for a moment.

"There are times where I wished I had the choice to disremember the things I wanted to forget," He mused. There was a far-away look on his face, suggesting that he must be reminiscing something. "So then it would be less painful."

"Eh…" Takao-san was lost for a moment. "Uhm…Midorima-san…?"

That was the time where he looked at him, as if noticing for the first time that he was there in front of him. "Never mind that, I was just thinking about something. Thank you for bringing the coat back nonetheless."

He was tempted to pry about that 'something', but he stilled himself. "It is nothing, Midorima-san."

Silence.

It was a kind of silence where the ticking sounds of the clock somewhere and the loud beating of his heart was more prominent. He felt guilty, most particularly whenever he remembered about the notebook hidden inside his coat.

"You've been waiting for me for hours now, so I'm supposing you haven't had your dinner yet," Midorima-san was the one who killed the silent atmosphere. "If you don't mind, would you like to join me now for dinner? I haven't had mine as well."

Takao can't express how much he wanted to say yes, but also knew that doing it might put him in potent danger. He didn't know whether to put his hands on his lap or secure the hem of his coat just in case the notebook had decided to call for its owner's help.

There was an unknown urge within him that is eager to scan it right then and there. His hands itched to touch the rough texture of the notebook again. Knowing that he had invaded the doctor's property and was holding a certain item of his is making his heart drum in anxiety.

Despite the joy of being invited by the green-haired doctor, he said, "I really appreciate your kindness, Midorima-san. Although as…as much as I wanted to agree I think it would be wise to decline your offer. It's evening already, and my daughters are all alone at home. I'm supposing you understand my worry. I'm really sorry, perhaps for another day, you can invite me again."

"Oh. I see," He answered. "I understand. For another day then."

Takao could have sworn he saw pain pass through the doctor's face, but it was so fast it felt as if it was only inside his mind.

When Midorima-san stood up, that was his cue to stand up as well and bow. "Well then, Midorima-san. I'll be going now."

"Of course. Thank you for bringing my coat back again. It is a gift from heaven to have found an honest friend in you."

Takao smiled. "That's quite flattering, ya'know. You never know I was only doing that to gain your trust."

"Hmph. You can't fool me. I know a traitor when I see one."

"Ha ha. That's good then. I just can't claim all the things that you'd forgotten inside our home and pretend that it's mine, can I? Also, we don't have the same taste in clothing. You're more stylish than I am. You dress more conservative and high class."

"That's…" He pushed his glasses. "I'm pleased you find my clothing stylish."

Takao chuckled with that. "Is that you being humble?"

Midorima hid his embarrassment by coughing on his hands. He wanted so much to retort back to Takao just like what he was accustomed in doing when they were still together. But he knew that it would be inappropriate, seeing that Takao doesn't know the real Midorima.

He doesn't want him to think that he is a rude friend.

"See you, Midorima-san," Takao said when he stepped outside his private office. He smiled as he waved his hands goodbye.

He simply nodded, watching him walk further away from him. His heart constricted whenever he saw the back of Takao walking away from him.

He closed the door of his private office and sighed. It is taking him half of his effort and stamina to act normal whenever he's in front of Takao.

Each time he sees him, heaven only knows how much he wanted to feel Takao's warmth on his arms again. To be with him just like the old days. To act like his normal self whenever he's with him, rather than pretending to be civil as if he's another person.

Massaging the corner of his temple, he approached his desk, dropped his body on the swivel chair, and sighed again.

The meeting was taking its toll on his body already, but all of his stress had flown away once he saw Takao. It is ironic for him to say, but the cheerful raven-haired man is the source of his energy and his stress.

Whenever he's feeling like this, there's one thing he was accustomed on doing for almost two decades: reading Takao's old journal. It only brought him nostalgia all right, even the constricting pain in his chest, absolutely.

That and his fantasies are the only way for him to have Takao, even just for a while.

Although it is painful, sometimes even brought warm tears on his eyes, the journal was the only method for him to go back to the past. To let him experience the joy of having Takao in his life again, to recall the moments that they had shared a long time ago. Because Midorima is very certain that it is impossible for the raven-haired to remember him the way he wanted him to remember.

It is his source of comfort whenever he is troubled, his source of strength whenever he thought about the important woman in Takao's life and his two daughters. It guilt him to think that he was not sincere when he told him about his regrets regarding their recent divorce.

He was happy. Certainly he won't be admitting this, but deep inside his heart he was hoping that Takao might consider him again. Perhaps it's just a wishful thinking on his part.

The journal though may be old and worn-out, is the only proof that the memories that they had shared is genuine.

With that thought in mind, he went to get the journal from its usual place on the pile of papers, but his heart skipped a beat when he saw nothing but white sheets. Its pages are already yellow, so it's not hard to find it along the mound of papers on his desk.

Scowling, he scanned his entire desk, pushing and moving the papers around with anxious hands. A bundle of soul deep worry and fear flooded his system when he found nothing.

He felt his heart on his throat as he began to search for it in every bookshelf that he has. Failing to see the important notebook, he rushed outside to ask Momoi about this.

"Can't say I have seen something similar to the one you just described, Midorima-sensei," She answered. "I'm not aware about it in the first place. I apologize."

Midorima closed his eyes and massaged the corner of his temple, feeling the fatigue hugged his body in a forceful tiring way. His secretary doesn't know about it, he never told anyone about the journal.

His family, Takao's family and only he are the people who know about it. Although, there's an exception: his one and only trusted friend. It'd be a problem if anyone other than them had seen it. It is also his main reason why he is so adamant on allowing only a few selected persons to gain entrance inside his private office.

He stood straight as a sudden thought passed through his brain.

There's only one person he could think of, the only person whom he allowed to stay inside his private office, who could make something disappear even though he had tried so hard to put it out of sight.

The person who technically owned the old worn-out journal

It is only a hunch, but Midorima had a suspicion that Takao got something to do with this. He remembered several years ago, that time when they were having an exam and Takao was so stubborn to borrow his lucky item for that day: the rolling pencil. He never wanted to lend it to him, but it surprised him to see Takao's notes inside his pencil container telling him that he needed it for the exam.

Of course, the Takao from before isn't existing anymore. Midorima knew this, all right. Although that doesn't mean that he had already forgotten that certain trait of his.

Only he has the knack of sneaking something without his knowledge.

Thinking about this possibility is making his head hurt. He doesn't know how to react if this hunch of his is right.

Some part of him, however, was hoping that it is.

**xXx**

**CHAPTER OPEN FOR EDITING. **


	6. MEMORIES SEQUEL - V

**Memories II  
**BY: Stupiak Kitty

**A/N:** Nothing to say. Just be ready.

**xXx  
Chapter's Theme Songs:**

**Amaoto **-** Ono Daisuke  
Sekai ga Owaru Yoru **\- **ACIDMAN **

**xXx**

**V**

Takao's felt his heart danced in a painful, tiring waltz as he passed by the usual pathway to home. It is throbbing in anxious, loud beats that he almost thought that the path toward his house had gotten longer.

He can't help but feel nervous yet at the same time excited to peruse Midorima-san's notebook a little bit more. He knew his line of thoughts is wrong, but his curiosity got the better of him when he saw his name on the front page.

He still can't shake the strange and disturbing feelings inside him.

Takao paced a bit faster the moment he saw the contour of their house. Thinking about seeing his two daughters brought peace to his distressed mind.

With a smile on his lips, he pushed their door open.

"Tadaim—"

"Papa!"

Kazuko-chan's hug cut his greetings. Confusion passed through his mind for a moment when she embraced him tightly, as if she never wanted to let him go.

"What's wrong, Kazuko-chan? Afraid of ghosts again?" He asked while patting her head. The desire to read the journal was disregarded. "Didn't I tell you not to watch any scary movies whenever you are alone? Now look, you're getting scared again."

He frowned when she shook her head, then with a small trembling voice she said, "Mama's face is scarier than any other ghosts."

"W-what?" Worry passed him when he heard that, so tried to lessen it by kidding, "What are you talking about? Don't you find mama pretty? She's not going to like it if she were to hear that. It's a good thing she's not here…"

"But Mama's here," His heart skipped a bit with that. "She was here when I came back from school. She wanted Ruuko and me to leave our house and come with her, but I said no when she told me to pack our things fast before papa can go home. When I told her that I'm not going with her without papa, her face became scary so I ran up to here and saw you coming," She hugged him again. "Papa, I don't want to be with mama if you're not with us."

This is the moment when worry flooded his system. His heart thumped inside him, automatically guessing what was happening at the moment.

He's been dreading for this day to come.

It's been more than a month since their divorce, and he was more than sure that his ex-wife has been processing the papers of custody within those days.

He looked at his daughter. As much as possible, he doesn't want to let her know about his trouble so he tried to give him a smile. "Kazuko-chan, don't you want to spend your time with mama more?"

"But I like papa more!" She wailed. "She always pushes me to eat something that I don't want. She's not nice."

"Kazuko-chan, what did I tell you?" He chided. "Mama's only doing that for you. Eating fried chicken for almost every day is not healthy, you know. Do you want to transform into a chicken and eat nothing but grain for the rest of your lives?"

"But…" She must have considered his explanation. "But I want to be with papa more. If papa is coming with mama, then I'll go too."

He sighed. He knew this would happen.

Takao could go with them, all right. But he can't seem to force himself to do that, and he was certain that Ina is aware of this as well. The main reason of their divorce, after all, concerned this.

"Kazuko—" He looked up when he heard a distinct footstep coming from the stairs. There he saw his wife, her both hands were occupied with more than a few bags. Then he scowled when he saw that one of them was his little darling. She was sleeping soundly on her arms. His heart froze for a second. "Ina. Why are you…?"

She looked at him with a passive face. Her demeanor was now cold, unfeeling — contrary from the Ina two months ago. "Didn't I tell you before? I'm going back just to take them along with me."

"But we had an agreement!" He exclaimed, looking at her in surprise and worry. "You accepted my request to leave Ruuko if you're going to take Kazuko along with you."

"Papa…? I'm going with mama without you and Ruuko-chan?" His older daughter interjected, then she hugged him tightly again. "I don't want it! I only want to be with papa!"

"Kazuko, don't get involved when your father and I are talking. That's rude. It's not a good quality for a kid," Kazuko pulled a guilt-ridden faced when Ina reprimanded her. She then looked back at Takao and continued, "I changed my mind. I'm sorry I didn't inform you about my change of plans. I figured it is better for them to live with me rather than spending their youth inside the premises of this hospital. Especially…with you."

"Hah? But what about their studies? Kazuko's studies, particularly. She's been doing well in her school, I was informed that she's the top student in her class. You're not going to let her transfer school now, are you? Their scholarship, what about it? It would be a waste if you're bringing them with you now."

"I can manage," She answered. "Both of them can manage, I'm sure of it. It is better for them to live with me while they're still young. Also, you don't have to worry about their education. I know that the seven digits in my bank account isn't something to brag about, but it's better than nothing. I can give them a comfortable life. Not as comfortable as our life here, all right, but I can assure you that they won't get hungry in my care. I'm a capable woman after all."

"Still, you can't just sneak in and take them away from me anytime you like," He countered. "And don't you think it's inappropriate for you to tell Kazuko to hurry up before I could come home?"

"That's…" She then massaged her temple. "I know she would resist if you're here, and I'm right. I'm awfully aware how close you are to her, but I believe that it'd be best if they're going to stay with me for good. After all, I've taken required actions regarding their custodies. They are now supposed to live with me, their mother."

"Custody? What's that?" The innocent question of Kazuko filled their living room. Then she hid behind her father's long legs when her mother gave her a reprimanding glare.

His felt his heart fell when he heard that. Still, he tried. "I'm their father. I still have the rights to choose what's best for them. Don't do this to me, please. Don't do this to the children. They're just kids, innocent little beings. They have no idea what's going on now, don't confuse them."

"What do you think I'm doing, Kazunari?" She countered, then her face cracked a little showing the pain that she's hiding inside her heart. "I'm not the villain here, you know. I'm also their mother. I was the one who carried them for months. I endured everything and gave birth to them.

"Do you think I'm okay the moment I decided to leave this house alone? Like you, I desired for a happy and complete family as well. When I left and went to my parents' home, I did nothing but cry. Thinking that we're not that kind of family anymore broke my heart. It was so painful I can't almost bear it. You have no idea how painful it is to let you go — to let this family go just because of your forbidden desire to that doctor!"

Takao looked at Ina with a stern face when she said that.

"Kazuko," He called out of the sudden. "Can you do me a favor? Can you bring your sister back to your room and wait for me to call you back? Your mother and I are going to talk privately."

She just nodded. She can't say or do anything whenever her father uses that kind of voice. It is calm yet deadly. Before she could comply, her mother's voice stopped her.

"Don't," She ordered. "You're not going anywhere but with me. Your father and I don't have anything to talk to anymore. We're going."

"But mama—"

"Don't do this, please," Takao halted Ina before she could snatch Kazuko's hands. She was now hiding behind him. "At least not now. After all, it's evening already and our neighbors might talk. You can spend your night here and let's bargain about this tomorrow morning. Don't stress my daughters out."

Ina yanked her arms away and glared at him. "I can't wait that long. I don't want to be here anymore don't you know that? So what if the neighbors might hear us? What? Afraid they might discover your true colors?"

"That's not what I meant," He said. "It is not good for the children to see us arguing about their welfare. Don't be so stubborn. Just stay the night and rest."

"I can't," She answered, her head hang low. "I can't stay here. I don't want them to stay with you furthermore."

"What—"

"Your gender preference is not something that's considered normal," When she said that, Takao felt as if someone threw a bucket filled with ice at him. His world has been shaken. "I know how impossible it is for that doctor to reciprocate your feelings, but I also know that you are going to try dating someone the same gender as you. It would take you awhile, yes, but it's still possible. I don't want my daughters to be open with those kind of relationships. I want their childhood memories to be normal as much as possible."

He felt as if someone stabbed his heart and let it linger there. This kind of issue is still sensitive for him, since even he was disturbed with this kind of feelings.

He situated a gentle hand on Kazuko's shoulder and caressed it. It is not a good hobby to let their daughters hear their argument — especially this kind of argument.

Takao knew she has a point, but he can't let her take their daughters away from him. This is too sudden. "Kazuko-chan."

"Papa…?"

"Do you want to leave this house and stay with mama?"

"I don't want to!" She exclaimed. Takao felt her squeezed on his legs when he said that. He felt at that moment that his child's stubborn request is the only way for them to stay beside him. "I only want to stay with papa and Ruuko-chan."

"You heard the child," He said to Ina, his hands clinging to Kazuko's small shoulders. He looked at his ex-wife with pleading eyes. "Don't be so obstinate and impulsive, Ina. This is the only thing I asked you and I'm asking again. Don't do this. My daughters are the most important thing in my life. You know that. I don't think I can handle it if you're going to take them away from me."

Takao took a deep breath to control the tears that was now at its peak in his tear duct. He doesn't want to let them show — especially his daughters— his emotional side. This is something to do about ego of course, now that Ina knew about his supposed preferred sexuality.

There was a strange silence transpired between them. His ex-wife never moved nor talked, he almost shivered. She was emitting an aura akin to someone that was near to explode.

"You really are a selfish prick," Her voice sounded around their home after a moment. It was small, but enough for him to hear. When she looked at him, she was glaring at him. But there are tears that was strolling down her pale cheeks. "You are only concern about your own feelings, but what about me? I longed for them too. I've spent two months without them already, and I don't think I can handle it too if I would throw away the days that I should be with them."

He could only massage the corner of his temple with that. He wanted to counter all right, to defend himself that she said nothing but the opposite.

But there was a tiny voice inside him — teasing and mocking him that she was right. It was making his heart thump in remorse and grief. That he is, indeed, a selfish egoistic man who knows knowing but to satisfy and to see his self.

"All these years, you are the only person I have come to love this tender and hard," She went on. "But I let you go, Kazunari. I chose your happiness instead of our responsibility to give our daughters the ideal family that we wanted. I chose to release you, to understand you even though it was hard for me to accept it at first. It never crossed my mind that you are…" Her voice faded. "Now you're asking me to let them stay with you instead of me. Don't you think you're asking too much now? I am their mother. If there is anyone who is suitable to look after them, then it's me.

"You asked for freedom, and I gave it to you. Now I'm asking for them," She said. "and I'm hoping that you would consider their welfare and let them with me. Please, Kazunari. Think of your children rather than yourself. I can give them a better life. I'm certain about it."

Takao felt like someone smacked his heart when he heard Ina's plea. She aimed at his personal complex as if she hit the bull's eye with perfect precision. Truth be told, whenever he was thinking about his child's welfare there was a doubt in his heart.

He doubts himself.

Someone with tainted feelings to something forbidden is not fit to nurture someone as innocent as his child does.

He never moved when Ina approached them. He never obeyed the urge to stop her when she took the cold little hands of his Kazuko. He never looked when Kazuko grabbed his pants and began to wail.

"I-I'm not coming with you if Papa's not with us," She said, her hands clinging to his legs. She was determined not to let it go. "Papa…!"

Takao could only gulp. He was tempted to stop Ina, but his complex feelings were also stopping him. It was coercing him that this is the best plan — that it's time to consider his ex-wife's feelings instead of him.

"Kazuko, let's go. We need to hurry and catch the last minute train," Ina said. She was trying to remove the stubborn grip of her daughter's hand on Takao's pants while securing Ruuko on her other hand. "Don't worry. We can visit your father any time. Just be a good girl and listen to your mother this time."

"No—I want my papa! Papa!" She continued wailing. Her loud miserable cries broke Takao's heart into pieces. "I don't want to go! I want—"

"Kazuko! Don't be a spoiled brat and let go," Ina's stern voice didn't waver the girl's cries. "You're making this harder for us."

"Ina, don't be harsh to her," Reprimanded Takao. "She's innocent. She doesn't know what's really happening."

Ina ignored him as she continued to yank her daughter's hand away. Once she was successful, she sighed and began pulling her outside.

"Papa!" Kazuko was successful on snatching her hands away and ran toward her father. She hugged his leg again. She was determined not to leave her father alone. But her mother was more determined to bring her with her. She wept, her hot tears streaming down her cheeks. "I don't want to go! I…I don't want to leave my papa alone!"

Her desperate plea only went to her mother's deaf ears. Once her hand slipped from her father's pants, her mother pulled her away again. Kazuko's strength wasn't enough to compete with hers. Her mother is stronger.

The struggle was long, painful, and depressing to Takao. But in the end, Ina's wish was granted. She was successful on forcing his daughter to go with her. The surrounding was now still and calm, contrary to the wails and cries of desperation from a while ago. Ruuko must have sensed that something was wrong, so her wail increased the ruckus.

Despite that, Takao could still hear the cries of her daughters. It was as loud as before — piercing his ears with a repeating echo.

This is something that he can't accept until now. The fact that his daughters were now gone is something his mind doesn't want to process. In fact, he was thinking that the scene from before is nothing but a terrible nightmare, and then his sadness would drift away as he waited for Kazuko's warm greeting and Ruuko's wail for affection.

Though he knew that it would never be coming again.

He felt like someone killed him at this point and time. He wasn't sure what or how to feel. This is the time where he felt as if his existence doesn't have any meaning now. It is the lowest point of his life.

Right now, the desire to forget about this overwhelmed him. He wanted to sleep and to stop thinking about this, but he knew that sleep would never visit his body in times like this.

There was an urge inside him to run away. He wanted to go somewhere but his home. His heart can't take it whenever he remembered the struggle of his daughter inside this exact place.

At this point and time, there was one person whom he could call every time he was this depressed.

_Midorima-san._

**xXx**

I can't believe I just did this. Please forgive this dramatic writer. :P


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